Introducing Santa's Slay Ride: the coffee blend where Christmas cheer goes to die, and holiday horrors come to life. This malevolent brew captures the essence of a Santa gone violently rogue – not a jolly old elf, but a menacing, homicidal figure, riding his sleigh under a moonless sky, his laughter not merry, but maniacally bone-chilling.

The beans, as black as the coal in the stockings of the damned, are cursed by Krampus himself and harvested in the dead of night from the icy groves of the North Pole. The roasting process is overseen by enslaved elves, their eyes hollow, their hands trembling as they stoke the flames with the remnants of shattered Christmas dreams.

This coffee is a symphony of sinister flavors – a hint of burnt gingerbread houses, a whisper of poisoned candy canes, and the bitter aftertaste of frostbitten poinsettias. It's a tribute to the darker side of Yuletide folklore, where reindeer hooves sound like echoing doom and Santa's list is checked not for naughtiness, but for next victims.

Santa's Slay Ride is more than a coffee; it's a descent into Christmas madness, a realm where the jingling of bells is replaced by the clinking of chains, and the glimmer of lights gives way to the glow of burning embers. This holiday season, let each sip remind you of the horrors lurking in the shadows of the festive lights. It's not just about staying awake; it's about staying alive in the chilling Yuletide tale of Santa's Slay Ride.

Drink if you dare, and prepare for a Christmas you'll never forget – if you survive it...

Once you place your order we will roast your beans in fire and brimstone while blaring this heavy metal playlist directly at them to ensure maximum evilness (scan to listen):